


Forever Fantasy

by loonathetiny_12



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Loona - Freeform, chuusoul, chuuves - Freeform, kpop, lipsoul, lipves - Freeform, viseul
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-18 02:54:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29111145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loonathetiny_12/pseuds/loonathetiny_12
Summary: Jiwoo just wants to forget, but her current situation doesn't make it any better.Who would be there to help her?
Relationships: Ha Sooyoung | Yves/Kim Jiwoo | Chuu, Ha Sooyoung | Yves/Kim Jungeun | Kim Lip, Jo Haseul/Viian Wong | ViVi, Jung Jinsol | Jinsoul/Kim Jiwoo | Chuu, Jung Jinsol | Jinsoul/Kim Jungeun | Kim Lip
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	Forever Fantasy

**Author's Note:**

> K is back with a oneshot! I didn't really plan publishing it because I started writing this thing since January. I was actually planning to ditch it for a while but I thankfully finished it, so I hope you all enjoy this one!

**Jiwoo’s POV:**

Is this love?

You always bring me so much joy. Seeing you smile already makes my day better. Those simple things, asking me if I’m alright, it does make me feel happy. I think this is love.

The sweet things you do to me, those hugs and kisses. I feel safe with you. You shield me from danger. Our laughs, they probably are noisy to the neighbors, but they’re music to my ears. I’d love to listen to them everyday.

I love you so much. You’re really lovely, so gentle and kind to me.

Do you love me back?

You often looked tired when you arrived home each day. I suppose your work is too hectic, yet you still manage to smile back at me. I frequently make sure to cook you good meals when you come home, just to relieve your stress even for a tiny bit. I want to help you. You seem to love it a lot since the bowl’s always finished!

I wonder why you always looked like a mess when you arrive though.

I slowly realized that you weren’t tired when you came home.

You were only a little tipsy, but it got worse, you were completely drunk.

Each day,

Everyday,

Every time.

If the alcohol does relieve your stress, I guess I should allow it. It seems to make you feel better anyway.

You were drunk again and this time, brought a girl home.

I don’t know who she is, but why was she so shocked to see me? I tried to say hi but she stopped assisting you to get in the house and ran away.

I inched closer so I could help you walk better.

Your clothes were messy. There was lipstick smeared all over your skin, and a scent that I couldn’t recognize.

It looks like wine wasn’t the only thing that relieves your stress. I’m here though, why didn’t you call me?

And I’m your girlfriend. We live in the same home. That’s funny.

I didn’t get mad at you, it’s okay. You’re still the same affectionate person, that’s why.

Sleeping in your arms, I still feel so safe with you. You’re still perfect to me. How could I leave you? You’re still so sweet, lovely, and tenderhearted. You still love my presence, and the same goes from me to you.

I think you do love me back. I love you too.

We were lying on the bed, and you broke the silence surrounding us.

“Jiwoo?”

“Yeah, why?”

“I’m sure you know everything I do. Aren’t you sad, or at least angry...at me?”

“I’m not, Soo. I do know it all, and it’s okay.”

but is it really?

“Babe, I’m just hurting you, you should really go away from me.”

“I want to stay with you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, don’t worry, love.”

“But Jiwoo-”

“Please, let me.”

“...alright.”

You really think that I’m strong enough to leave you, Sooyoung. How can I do that when you’re right here, asking while holding me so close in your arms?

You suddenly changed after that. You weren’t drunk anymore. No more foreign scents. Every time you came home from work, you always hugged and greeted me first. Thank you, Sooyoung.

But as each day passed by, you were slowly going back to how you were back then. Once again, you were drunk, and it was the second time you brought a girl home. You’re silly, my love.

At least you tried, and that’s great. It does hurt me a lot, but I love you so much. I can’t imagine myself resenting you. Although you did things that were considered wrong to do while in a relationship, it didn’t bother me, because I knew you still cherished me so much. I believe you do, your actions toward me show it all.

As long as you love me back, I’ll be okay.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One day, I decided to visit my best friend’s home with her own precious lover, Jungeun and Jinsol’s place. They’re like us as well, extremely happy and unselfish. They have such an intense amount of affection for one another and it makes me giggle, they look adorable. I didn’t go there myself. In fact, they invited me all of a sudden. It’s uncanny, but I still went anyway. They’re my closest friends, it would be rude to turn them down.

“Hey, Jiwoo?” Jungeun softly taps my shoulder, looking worried.

“Yeah?”

“How are things going on with you and Sooyoung?”

“Oh, we’re great.”

“I’m not convinced.”

“We really are fine, why ask out of the blue?”

“Jiwoo, you don’t know?”

“Know what? Please tell me?”

“W-we saw her with other women, numerous times, a di-different one each day…”

Oh...

I assumed it was only one, I never expected that there were more.

“I-I know" I lied.

“You know? Then why are you still with her? You’re supposed to leave!”

“Why would I do that?”

“Jiwoo..? I know you love her deeply but you can’t just allow that to happen!”

So this is why they called me. They aren’t gonna be able to change my mind though, I’m sorry. I should just leave them instead.

I was already outside their door, about to walk away, but they wouldn’t let me go.

“Woo, please leave Sooyoung. She’s hurting you.” The other person with us finally spoke up.

Jinsol.

I almost stopped in my tracks when I heard her speak, but I urged myself to keep moving.

“I can’t Jinsol. I really can’t, I’m sorry.”

“Jiwoo are you even listening to yourself? You aren’t like this! You know what’s right to do! I can’t just stay here and let you hurt yourself badly!” Jungeun tries to reach out to me.

“Even if I left her, I have nowhere to go!” The tears did fall from my eyes, and they’re right. I’m hurting a lot.

“I’m here, Jinsol’s here. We can take care of you, please Jiwoo, please.”

“I don’t want to cause you guys trouble!” Especially you, Jinsol. We may still be best friends, but I’m deeply remorseful after what I did to you. I know you’re aware of it.

“Woo! I know what you’re thinking, but I don’t mind if you’re with us. I’m willing to let you go here whenever you want! You can even live here, just as long as Sooyoung doesn’t get near you, so please, stay.”

“Jinsol, it’s not gonna work.”

I couldn’t hold it in anymore, why can’t they just let me be?

I run away, but they’re still chasing after me.

Just leave me alone.

“Jiwoo!” Jungeun shouts, calling my attention.

“I said I can’t! I can’t leave Sooyoung! Please, just let me be.”

“You can’t, but you want to, right?!”

“I-I can’t, and I don’t want to! I love her, and even if she brings a girl home, it won’t change anything. She still loves me as much as I do!”

“She really destroyed you, Jiwoo. Look at yourself! You’re allowing everything even if it would break you! Stay here, I’m begging you. Jinsol and I can take care of you and get you back to normal.” Her tears, it may have convinced me. I guess I should leave Sooyoung.

Jinsol speaks again, “Woo, stay with us. We’re not gonna let you suffer there and get fooled.”

“…” Do they really care that much? Why am I even doubting them? They’re my best friends. I should allow them if I really desire happiness. 

“Alright, but I need to get my things there first.”

“We can do that for you, you don’t need to see Sooyoung again.” Jungeun holds my hand, trying to convince me once again.

“Jungeun I know you’re worried but please, let me talk to her by myself. I need to at least confront her, you know.”

“Then I’m going with yo-”

“No, don’t. Just wait there, I’ll be okay.”

“Jiwoo!”

“Jungeun! Let me do this before I change my mind.”

“Fine…” she sighs, slowly slouching in defeat.

Jinsol holds her hand. I wish Sooyoung did that more often to me as well, than just embracing and kissing me all the time.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Opening the apartment door, I see you sitting on our sofa and boringly switching through the tv channels until you turn to look at me, noticing my presence. You carried me and twirled me around. How sweet, but this isn’t right. We can’t stay any longer.

Immediately rushing to our shared room, I bring the luggage out and start stuffing my things. I need to do this quickly, it makes my chest hurt so much.

“Hey babe, what are you doing?”

“Oh, I’m packing.”

“Are you going somewhere?”

“I’m...leaving.”

A moment of silence, yet it was so loud.

Will you disagree?

Will you stop me?

Will you convince me to stay?

“I see, you finally decided.”

I-I guess not.

You weren’t shocked. You didn’t even tear up. 

“You aren’t sad?” I ask, still having hope left in me.

“Of course I am, but who am I to be sad? I’ve been hurting you for a long time, I tried to change, but it seems that I’ll really stay like this.”

Did you really try?

Do you really love me?

Is it that easy for you to cut connections?

To me, I was holding onto a metal chain, I never fell down. It never snapped, but I looked at yours, and you were just holding onto a rope as its strings slowly got weaker, tearing apart.

Why aren’t you trying, Sooyoung?

Why? 

“It’s good that you’re going now.” She snaps me out of my thoughts.

“Oh…”

“Stay safe Jiwoo, I don’t know where or who you’re staying with, but I’m sure they’ll treat you better.”

“Yeah.”

“I love you, and I’m very sorry.”

A hug, and a simple yet sweet kiss on the forehead,

That’s all it takes for me to change my mind immediately.

I really can’t do this. I can’t leave her. She’s just too nice to me. It’s so hard. Why does she have to make this so difficult?

I heard a knock on the door, I guess we’ve embraced each other for too long.

“Woo?” Jinsol.

“Someone’s there, I guess they’re the ones picking you up?” arms still around each other, Sooyoung begins to walk to the door, but I quickly stop her.

“Don’t open it.”

“But Jiwoo-”

“Please.”

“Anyone home?” The knocking gets louder, as well as the panic in Jinsol’s voice. Don’t worry, I’m okay.

“Jiwoo?! You need to open this!” This time, it was Jungeun’s voice that was heard behind it.

“Hey, I think we should really let them in…”

“No. Let them knock, don’t let go of me.”

“Jiwoo, you said you’ll leave.”

“I changed my mind, I’m staying with y-”

The door bursts open, revealing Jinsol and Jungeun. They stood there for a brief second, and the next thing I saw was Jungeun hastily walking to Sooyoung.

“Hey! Don’t you dare touch my best friend!”

“Jungeun no!” I pulled Sooyoung behind me and I pushed Jungeun away. She looked at me in disbelief.

“Jiwoo? We already talked about this, right?”

“I can’t, I’m sorry.” I was too tired because I fell to my knees, sobbing.

Why does the world have to be so unfair?

“Look what you did to her. I knew I couldn’t trust you.” Jinsol sighs, the tone of disappointment clearly present in her voice.

“Jinsol, I’m sorry.” Sooyoung stutters, not being able to look any of us in the eye.

“Don’t apologize to me. You broke Jiwoo. She gave you so many chances to change, but what did you do?”

“I tried! I tried so hard but I just can’t!”

You tried?

Why can’t I see it?

“You don’t love her at all.” Jinsol’s voice, monotone and stoic.

“Wha- of course I do!” Sooyoung shouts, sounding as if she was defending herself.

Jinsol looks away and bitterly lets out a chuckle. She quickly looks back at Sooyoung with nothing but rage in her eyes.

“Love?! Is this what you call LOVE?! The audacity of you to say that when you fool around with different women everyday! Where were you when she needed you the most, Sooyoung?! You barely gave her time, you were busy cheating on someone who worked so hard for the both of you to live properly and THIS?! This is what she gets in RETURN?!”

"Ah...I'm-" We were all surprised.

Jinsol was never the type to shout, but in this case, she was completely red, her veins already popping out of her neck from the fuming anger within her.

“Don’t you feel ashamed of yourself?! She stayed with you even if she was aware of all the crap that you’ve been doing! She’s already broken but she still told you that she was okay! THAT’s what love is, Sooyoung.” No one dared to speak, even Jungeun. We all just stared at her in fear. One touch could possibly make her explode.

“Actually, she loves you too much. It took us so much effort to convince her to leave you! So don’t you dare fucking tell me that you love her. If you loved her, then why haven’t you changed?!” She’s...right.

“I-” Sooyoung opens her mouth to answer, but she quickly gets interrupted by Jinsol again.

“Pathetic.”

She walks away from Sooyoung and helps me stand up, carefully tossing my arm around her neck, “You really should stay with us now, I can’t let you get hurt like this, Woo.”

“W-what?” was all I could say. She instantly shifted her emotions. She was just being furious, but now she's softly smiling at me as if nothing had happened.

“Why are you so cruel?! How could you hurt someone who does everything to make you happy!! YOU’RE SO RUTHLESS!!” Jungeun slapped and punched Sooyoung's shoulders, but she didn’t fight back.

They’re correct, Soo. I always made sure that you were living well with me, but I had to suffer in your illusions instead.

“Hey, Woo. Don’t cry, we’re going.”

“Jinsol…”

“Jungeun, babe let’s go. We need to leave.”

“Don’t go near her ever again.” Jungeun frighteningly points directly at Sooyoung’s face for the last time. We slowly started getting out of the apartment, but she spoke this time.

“W-wait...her things, she’s still pack-”

“We don’t need them. We have clothes at home.” for the umpteenth time, Jinsol purposefully interrupts her.

Jinsol’s voice, it sounded so cold, she didn’t even dare to look back, how is she so strong? She carried me and placed me in the backseat. The couple are like angels, honestly.

“If we didn’t break in, you could’ve been suffering there again.” Jungeun lightly chuckles.

“Thank you, I’m sorry for causing trouble.”

“Hey hey, it’s alright. It’s even better now, you’re going to stay with us. You'll be safe. We promise to take care of you, Woo.” Jinsol smiles at me using the rearview mirror.

It’s the three of us. If ViVi was here, we could’ve reunited our high school friend group. I hope she’s doing well right now.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It’s been a year without you, Soo. There were times when I missed you, but you damaged me so bad that I started to develop hatred. I’m happier, thanks to Jungeun and Jinsol. They did take care of me well. They were like my own parents already. Speaking of my parents, I told them everything, and they continuously apologized for not being there for me through it all, but I told them that it was okay, because I’m fine now.

We decided to take a walk outside, visiting a park.

“Hey guys, why don’t we split up and search for food that we can eat before the water show starts?” Jinsol says, too boisterous to be able to stand still.

“Sure, let’s buy what we like already and we can share!” I answer, giggling at how silly she looked.

“Uh...we should meet at this bench then!” Jungeun, after a minute of scanning the area, manages to find a meeting spot for us to gather.

We separated, walking around and looking at the menus of the numerous stands, I simply bought three churros, I hope they like it. I guess I was too fast from the fact that I was the only one sitting on the bench, so I’ll wait then. The smell of the churros was tempting, leading me to take a small bite, and yep, it sure is delicious.

I felt someone sit right beside me as I chewed my food. I didn’t mind it at first, but the person poked my shoulder.

_Why do I have a bad feeling..._

Should I look?

_No Jiwoo, trust yourself, trust your gut!_

But she keeps poking me.

Well then...

_Oh_

I never thought I’d see you again.

Why did you have to come back?

“Hey Jiwoo, I _missed_ you.”

The world around me froze. I couldn’t get a word out of my mouth. You were right next to me, after a year. The flashbacks of you came back to my mind. Why did you return? I’m already okay, and that smile, I shouldn’t be falling for you again.

“You seem to be doing great! I’m happy for you!”

Still, I did not respond, and I was frozen. You’re so beautiful, with shorter hair and a brighter smile. No, this can’t be happening right now, I’m already recovering.

“Jiwoo-ah! Are you okay? Oh, who are y-” Jungeun came back, and she was immediately frozen as well. Jinsol then arrived a few minutes after, quickly noticing the situation and running to hold my wrist as she angrily stares at Sooyoung,

“What are you doing here?! You shouldn’t have shown up so suddenly!”

“I just wanted to say hello! I saw her and I decided to gree-”

“You’re nice, but it’s the wrong time, Sooyoung. You traumatized her. Don’t bother us anymore, we’re fine, you don’t need to know everything else.”

“Jiwoo? Let’s go.” Jungeun worriedly looks at me as she speaks. I nodded and we hurriedly walked to the car. There was only silence after the doors closed, the three of us still processing the situation. We were on our seats, Jinsol and Jungeun in the front, while I was at the passenger’s .

“Hey Jiwoo, did she do anything to you?” Jungeun turns her body to ask me.

I couldn’t speak yet, so I shook my head

“This wasn't the right time…” Jinsol removes her glasses and drops her head on the steering wheel, sighing heavily.

“Let’s go home, p-please.” I requested. I couldn’t sort out my thoughts.

“Alright.” The both of them answer at the same time.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Months passed by, and it felt like I was reliving the same life when I was with you, Sooyoung. You just showed up and said hi, but I’m now back to square one. You could’ve hid instead. The memories never left my head. I couldn’t sleep properly anymore. It kept bugging me to the point where I had to seek medical assistance. I don’t remember what I was diagnosed with. I was too lost in my thoughts. Why am I like this?

(“Hey Jiwoo, don’t keep those feelings too deep within yourself. We’re always willing to listen.”

“Thank you, Jungeun.”)

Yet I still kept them to myself. I didn’t need to let them worry about me. It would just bother them if I did that.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Jungeun’s POV:**

Jinsol, please pick up…

“Hey babe, I’m driv-”

“Where’s Jiwoo?!” I instantly ask her, not having the time to be calm.

“I thought she was at home with you when I left?” Jinsol begins to worry as well.

“I kept knocking on her door and it was locked, she wouldn’t answer, so I broke the lock and she isn’t in here anymore! Also, she...she left her phone!”

“What?! Check if she’s just i-”

“I CHECKED EVERYWHERE JINSOL! I DON’T KNOW! Please hurry and come here…”

“Alright, call the police. I’m going there.”

“Wait…”

The window…

“What?!”

“Her window’s open...she must’ve jumped out!”

“but we have a front door??!! But phew...it isn’t even that far from the ground, so she probably went somewhere, right?! For now, you should call the cops. We’ll find her babe, don’t panic.”

“Yes yes…thank you.” The call ends. I carelessly drop my phone onto Jiwoo’s mattress, my hands slowly tangling themselves in my hair from the stress.

Jiwoo, where did you go? Please come back.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Jiwoo’s POV:**

I don’t know where I am, I just ran. I didn’t want to disturb Jungeun, so I jumped off the window instead. It does sound stupid but I needed to clear my thoughts. I’ll come back anyway, but great, I forgot my phone. Now it’s raining, but I don’t even care anymore.

I suddenly feel so...free.

I think I ran too much, I’m tired.

Here I am, lying down on the grass, with the rain drops hitting and sliding down every inch of my face. I’m in the middle of nowhere, physically, emotionally, and mentally.

_Sooyoung._

I just can’t seem to get your name out of my mind. Why do I have to keep remembering everything? When you were always drunk, when you always smelled like a different person, and when you brought two different girls home. All that yet you still treated me like I was the most important person in the world at the same time. You’re different, Soo. You confuse me, but I know that I still love you so much. Ugh, you’re so unfair, you know.

I should just sleep, the feeling of the grass and rain on my skin is relaxing, so I shouldn’t think about you for now.

My eyes are getting heavy, I’m falling asleep.

I wake up, and the weather’s sunny. No more rain, that’s kind of sad. I see something glowing beside me, and I try to take a better look at it. Why is it floating?

“Hi Jiwoo!?” The short-haired woman waves happily at me.

“Who are you? How do you know my name?”

“Let’s go!”

She ignores my question, gliding a little closer.

“W-wait, why are you floating, in the air?”

“Oh, I’m an angel!” She turns her body slightly, showing off her feather wings that enormously increased in size.

“A what...?”

“Angel! My name is Haseul. Now, let’s go!”

“You have wings.” The angel giggles at my words.

“Of course I do! Just come here, Jiwoo.”

“But I can’t fly…”

“Walk.”

“What?”

“Walk, you’ll feel it on your feet.” I’m confused, but I still follow. I know I’m _dreaming_ , but this feels so real . I was stepping on something, but it was invisible. I guess they were stairs.

“Hold my hand!”

“Where are we going?”

“Trust me. Besides, I’m an angel from heaven!”

“Heav- am I dead?”

She laughs, “Be quiet Jiwoo, just let me lead you.” She led me higher into the sky, and the clouds separated, revealing a golden gate. Where am I? Why is my dream like this?

“Close your eyes” she instructs.

“I’m not doing that!” I couldn't easily trust her.

“Just close them! I’ll tell you when to open, alright?”

“Fine…” but I ended up giving in. I closed them, and after a few minutes, she patted my arm for me to open them. The golden gate was open, revealing a beautiful garden. This place is nice after all. I was still standing outside with the angel, was Haseul her name?

“Jiwoo!”

I know that voice...

“Sooyoung...?”

“Yes it’s me! I’ve been waiting for you.”

“W-what? How...w-what...you have wings?”

“You’ll also get them once you pass the gate!”

“Oh…”

“Go on, dear.” Haseul puts her arm out, welcoming me into the gate.

“B-but”

“Jiwoo, didn’t you say that you wanted to live in a better world? Everyone’s nicer, especially the one you love the most.” Haseul says, making me even more confused.

“What do you mean?”

“That Sooyoung standing right in front of you isn’t the same one who hurt you.”

“I’ll take care of you love, I promise. Now, get inside! Jinsol and Jungeun’s waiting for you as well!” Sooyoung sounded so cheerful, it’s strange.

“What?!” 

“Mhm, look!” She points somewhere, and I see them. The two were happily waving at me, gesturing for me to come closer.

I should _wake up_ , I need to stop dreaming.

“Hey, don't worry. It’s up to you.” Haseul speaks again.

“Huh?”

“You decide. Whether you want to go back to your world, or spend time here in heaven, happily in love with this Sooyoung.”

“Trust me Jiwoo!” Sooyoung lovingly smiles at me again.

What kind of dream is this? It _scares_ me.

Sooyoung reaches her hand out, grinning sweetly. I look at Haseul again.

“So...? Do you want to wake up again?” She asks.

I look at Jinsol and Jungeun once more. They’re still the same nice people, like in the 'real world' that they said, where I’m awake. Then Sooyoung. She’s still beautiful, but I could see that this one was better compared to the drunk woman I loved.

I smile and hold her hand, passing through the gate.

Now, my clothes turn white, the same as everyone else. And I grew tremendous wings. I try to fly like the others, but I’m a bit inexperienced. My wings kept fluttering messily and Sooyoung giggles.

“Let me help you, Jiwooming.”

“W-what?!”

The blush spread all over my cheeks.

That was the nickname she gave me in high school.

I thought she already forgot about it.

“Um, love?” Sooyoung snaps me out of my trance.

“Yes? I just-” 

Oh my god, this is too real to just be a _dream._

“Hold my hand, you don’t want to fall down and get hurt, do you?” she giggles again and I nod.

“Thank you, Soo.”

Our fingers interlock, the butterflies in my stomach bloom. I want to be like this everyday. She softly guides me to where Jungeun and Jinsol are standing.

“I love you, Jiwoo.”

“I-I love you too, Soo.”

This is just a dream, I’ll wake up anyway,

but…

I don’t want to. I think I’d like to stay here everyday.

Yes, everyday, in this impossible _fantasy_.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Jinsol’s POV:**

“Jiwoo! Oh my god!” Jungeun gasps, extremely shocked.

Jiwoo was lying there, on the grass. Wasn’t it raining earlier? She must’ve been so cold. The nurses took her inside the ambulance. We follow, immediately speeding to the hospital.

Please wake up, Woo.

My hands shake as I hold the steering wheel.

“Jindori, calm down, you’re driving.”

“I’m just too worried Jungeun, but thank you.” She holds my hand. She really does know how to comfort me.

I love you so much, Jungie.

  
"It seems that she’s been out in the rain for too long." ViVi says.

We finally reunited by ViVi volunteering herself to check on Jiwoo, it’s great seeing her again, finally back in our country from Hong Kong, after a tragic incident.

Years ago, she announced to us that she finally had a girlfriend, but she never stated her name. We’ve tried to persuade her into saying it, but no one could succeed. We figured that she chose to keep her romantic status privately, so we let her. As her best friends, we wanted to make sure everyone was comfortable in our circle. We had respect for each other’s boundaries. 

Then time went by, and ViVi suddenly informed us that she needed to go back to Hong Kong. Instead of asking her why, we only hugged her, telling her that we were always available if she needed to call us. We let her open up when she was ready to. 

She did, but Jiwoo and Jungeun were busy at that time, making me the only one to listen to her. I didn’t mind, she actually preferred it that way. It was a really private matter for her.

Her girlfriend died in one of our country’s most dangerous storms. She was unfortunately caught by the flood, went missing, only to be found again by the rescuers, unconscious. It was completely heartbreaking to see ViVi cry. She was the oldest of the four of us, making her the most reliable. She had to show her strong side to us. The pain in her voice made me tear up as well during our call.

What’s more heartbreaking is that ViVi never got to see her girlfriend after that incident. She couldn’t bring herself to her grave. She said that the memories of her watching the news and seeing her girlfriend’s name in the ‘missing’ list haunted her every day. It took over her mind to the point that she had to go back to Hong Kong. She couldn’t bear the pain of walking to the same places she and her girlfriend always went to.

Her name was Jo Haseul, and ViVi only wanted me to know it, she trusted me. 

The whole conversation that night was only for us two,

  
  
but we have to focus on Jiwoo now. It would have been better if we reunited in a better situation. 

“Is she okay?”

"I’m afraid not. Her condition is dangerous. The temperature in that area is usually cold, especially the bad timing, it was heavily raining there." ViVi shoots a sad expression at me and Jungeun.

“Oh no…”

"Jiwoo has hypothermia, and I hate to admit, the police found her a little too late."

Jungeun covers her mouth, trying to muffle her cries as I just stand there, hopeless.

“I’m sorry, Jinsol. She’s been unconscious for more than two hours. W-we cannot revive h-her…” ViVi also begins to tear up, closing her eyes as she tries to stop them from falling.

_Y-you’re gone, Woo._

“Jinsol, wait!” Jungeun shouts.

I pushed the doors open, hugging Jiwoo’s lifeless body, sobbing and whimpering quietly, but the pain in my cries were louder.

“I’m so sorry...we shou-should’ve found you earlier…”

That was enough to make Jungeun’s tears fall as well. We lost our best friend...the one who led us to what me and Jungeun are now.

The rest of the day...it was spent full of tears. I’m so sorry, Woo.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Sooyoung’s POV:**

So it’s true, you passed away. I can’t believe it. I don’t feel like this gravestone is yours. You were so young, Jiwoo.

“You…” I hear someone speak behind me. 

“Oh uh, condolences.”

Jungeun and Jinsol visited, obviously. I hope this doesn’t go too bad…

“Shut up. If you didn’t show yourself without warning that day, none of this would have happened!” Jungeun starts, surpsising me.

“Wha-”

“THIS IS YOUR FAULT, YOU KILLED HER, SOOYOUNG!”

“Jungeun, don’t.” Jinsol grabs her arm, preventing her from going near me.

“I didn’t know that I did her so bad…” I said.

Now it was Jinsol’s turn to lose her temper.

“How dare you speak like that?! It’s obvious how much your presence itself affects her. You should have known that!”

No wonder why no words could escape Jiwoo’s mouth when I said hi.

but no, this can’t be.

She can’t be that attached to me.

“Then you should’ve moved somewhere farther!” I answer her back, anger evident in my voice as well.

“Oh wow! What are you, a child?! Now we’re the ones who were supposed to adjust?! This isn’t our fault, you dumbass!”

“Stop.” I try to stop her from throwing all these words at me.

“You should’ve changed yourself instead! You should’ve seen how hopeless she was after that event! She already forgot about you, but you appeared again! She looked like a lost child!”

“I said stop.”

“She needed LOVE, Sooyoung. We tried our best to do that, to give her everything, but she needed someone romantically, not a family, not even friendship!”

“Then why didn’t you let her find someone!”

“She was always free, she tried so hard, you know?! But the trauma you caused her was so bad and you damaged her so harshly that she was afraid to love again!”

Was I that bad?

“Look what you did! From playing with her feelings and not being faithful, she died!

“Stop it.”

“You should change yourself, Soo!”

“Shut up! We can’t do anything anymore, she’s dead! Nothing’s gonna change anyway, what's the use?!”

“Wha- if you’re gonna be like this, MORE people would die from your carelessness!”

Please stop…

“DO YOU WANT TO HURT MORE INNOCENT PEOPLE?!”

“I SAID STOP!!!”

“JINSOL!!” I hear Jungeun cry.

My hands found its way to her cheek. I punched Jinsol. It was my instinct. She was too noisy,

and too correct...

All the other people in the cemetery turned their heads, looking at me in shock.

Jinsol chuckled, as if it were a feather that slapped her, but the blood could be seen, dripping from the corners of her lips.

“Go on! Punch me one more time! Do you think Jiwoo wants this?!” Jinsol points at her bleeding mouth .

“W-wait, I didn’t mean to-” I really didn’t mean to punch her, I was too carried away.

“Please stop it Sooyoung, you already hurt Jiwoo, don’t hurt more people now.” Jungeun begs, now afraid to go near me.

“You did...all of this…” Jinsol says one last time, choking blood out as she spoke. Jungeun helped Jinsol walk back to their car. I ran to mine and drove as quickly as I could, away from the both of them, trying to escape.

I’m-I’m so cruel...

Jinsol...she’s right. I should’ve changed, but it’s too late.

I’m so sorry.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It’s been four years since Jiwoo’s death. I decided to visit her, so here I am, sitting beside her stone.

“You came. What a surprise.”

“J-Jinsol…”

“Hello, Sooyoung.”

I haven’t seen Jinsol for many years after that event of me punching her. I’m still guilty about that. I wanted to say sorry, but it seems that she didn’t want to talk about it.

She sat on the other side. It was too silent for a while, so I spoke.

“Where’s Jungeun?”

“Oh, she’s just there in the car, she was supposed to go out, but she saw you. Sorry about that.”

“No no, it’s fine. I understand.”

“It’s been years, how are the both of you?” I asked.

"We’re fine, still the same, but thanks to our little child, she added more joy into our lives.” Jinsol grins from the thought about her daughter. She returns the question to me.

“You? How are you?”

“I uh...I changed...I guess.”

“Wow, as in change, change? No more you know, dangerous habits… from six years ago?”

“Yeah, definitely. I’m better off like this now.”

“That’s great.”

“Mhm.”

Another wave of silence hits again, but she suddenly chuckles. I question it.

“Why?”

“You had a chance to stop her. The police could have founded her sooner as well, and then ViVi might have been able to revive her. 

I could’ve saved her.”

  
  


What is she saying?

“What do you mean?”

“Before me and Jungeun, there was me and Jiwoo.”

“W-what?” I gasp in surprise, not expecting her to say those.

She laughs softly and after some seconds, speaks again, “We were pretty young, around 17.”

“And...?”

“She’s my first love.”

“Wow…”

“I used to like her so much back then. I looked stupid.”

“...go on.”

“I eventually confessed one day, but she turned me down. I was sad, and she suddenly ignored me for a long time, she even tried being rude to me, but after a while we were friends again. Little did I know, she liked me back. She introduced me to her childhood best friend, Jungeun. I slowly started to fall for her instead, and she did for me as well. That’s when it became the two of us, the classic well-known Jinsol and Jungeun. Jiwoo then tried to get rid of her feelings for me, and to her, she was glad it was successful. We also had ViVi, to complete our squad, but she went back to Hong Kong a few years later. We were always there for each other. We told all of our problems, and helped each other get through them. The only problem Jiwoo couldn’t stop talking about though, was you.”

“Me?!"

“Yeah! Ever since your appearance at the football game that we were rivals in, Jiwoo kept talking about you everywhere, from our gatherings to the group chat. Damn, she was really head over heels for you.”

I nod, not knowing how to react. This information was still so new to me.

Jinsol lets out a deep sigh.

“You see, if I didn’t fall for Jungeun, maybe Jiwoo and I would have ended up together. That would have changed everything. But like what you said back then before punching me, we can’t change anything now that she’s gone, and I love Jungeun so much that I can’t imagine my life without her in it.”

“Jinsol…”

“It’s alright, Soo. I’m glad that you changed already. Your realization may have been too late, but at least you did.” She stands up, and I immediately stand as well.

“I guess this is a lesson for you, and all of us. I’m sure Jiwoo’s happy that you became a better person. Please stay like this, okay?”

I felt tears on my cheeks. I’m...crying?

“Wait...are you crying?”

I hug Jinsol tight. I feel so guilty.

“I’m so sorry Jinsol! I didn’t want this to happen. I was so immature and reckless back then!” I was definitely crying hard. Why did I have to realize everything so late?

“Your attempt in becoming a better Sooyoung did succeed, I’m happy for you.” She softly pats my back. I let go before things become too awkward.

“Well then, I better get going now, Jungeun’s already standing outside.” Jinsol giggles and places the flowers beside Jiwoo’s stone.

“Bye Jinsol…”

“Stay safe Soo!”

She walks to Jungeun. I looked at the brunette from far away, Jungeun was staring at me and it slightly creeped me out, so I bow slightly as a way of apologizing for everything. She surprisingly smiles after, softly raising her arm and she lightly waves her hand at me. I guess I’ve been forgiven by her as well.

Thank you Jinsol, and Jungeun. Thank you for opening my eyes which were blind from my actions, and Jiwoo, you’re up there right? I hope you can see me, I’ve changed into a better Sooyoung now. I’m so sorry for hurting you.

I may sound so stupid for this, but I still love you.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There is no such thing as a perfect life, and a perfect relationship. Nothing lasts forever. The earth will still continue to spin even after someone you love dies. You have to keep living even if you’re tired. The world is cruel. There is no such thing as being happy for the rest of your life. To be happy, you need to feel pain. There will always be darkness hiding deep inside the world’s surroundings. 

People tend to realize once it’s too late, and as much as it hurts, no one can turn back time. I had to be the unlucky one. Honestly, I still regret everything. From committing to Jiwoo to fooling her. This feels like a crime. 

How are you, Jiwoo?

As I look at your stone, my tears could not hold themselves in any longer. It’s been more than decades, my love. I’m already 82, the young Ha Sooyoung turned old and gray. I’ve been stuck, sitting on this wheelchair for nine years. I’ve lived my life carrying the guilt and heaviness of everything I’ve done. I can’t seem to forget you. Remember when I promised you that you would be the last person I’d love? I did it, Jiwoo. I kept that promise. 

Not once did I try looking at anyone else. You’re special to me. Everything reminded me of you. The flowers I see in my garden when I go out for a breath of fresh air, the clouds in the sky that made me wonder how you were doing up there, finally in peace. Every single object unfolded a hidden memory of you.

I’m such a disappointment, aren’t I? I was a monster, the carelessness and selfishness taking over my mind and soul. I forgot how to love properly. I didn’t know how to love you back, Jiwoo.

Every time I fall asleep, I hope to dream about us both. Young and carefree, how our lives would have been if I wasn’t such a cruel person, but all I get are nightmares, the events where I hurt you deeply. It was a never-ending cycle. Is this your punishment to me, Jiwoo? If it is, I don’t mind. My past actions should never be forgotten, and I accept it. 

As I grew old, I did not know my purpose in this life anymore. Why do I even need to live? There is nothing much to do in this world, because you aren’t here. I want to see you again, my love. I want to be where you are. I need to apologize to you, and I need to love you the way you loved me.

I forgot the warmth that I felt whenever you embraced me. I can’t remember the soft lips that would use to kiss me often. I don’t remember your voice, and your touch. I miss it so badly, I want to be able to hold you tight again.

All I’m waiting for is to see you, Jiwooming, and now that I’m older and getting weaker, I’m very close to being with you again.

I miss you, a lot.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Sooyoungie!”

I’m finally here, and I can stand?!

“Jiwoo!” I shout back. She flies toward me, giggling excitedly. Jiwoo retains her youthful appearance, she’s still so beautiful.

“I’ve been waiting for you, babe.”

“Me too, Jiwoo.”

“So, are you passing the gate or not?” I see another person land next to her.

“Oh, her name is Haseul, Sooyoungie!”

“God, Sooyoung. This lady talks about you every time we meet, you must have such a great effect on her, eh?” Haseul teasingly wiggles her eyebrows.

“Er- I guess so…” I blush, not knowing how to reply to her. Haseul doesn’t stay long, she flies away, leaving me and Jiwoo alone together once again.

“Sooyoungie?”

“I’m sorry Jiwoo...I’m sorry for every-” I tried to apologize, but she interrupted me immediately.

“No no no, don’t. I know how guilty you are, love. After my passing, I watched you grow and develop into a better person. I’ve seen it all, and I already forgave you ever since that!”

She forgives me. Jiwoo forgives me. How heartless was I to hurt such a beautiful soul?

“EARTH TO SOOYOUNG!” She screams, successfully catching my attention

“We're not in earth anymore though.” I tease, earning a pout from her. She’s adorable.

“You might want to pass the gate now, I really need a hug from you. Plus I don’t think you’re the type of person to go to hell, you're lucky.”

“Am I dead?” I butt in out of nowhere.

“Well technically you are. You’re 82 now, Sooyoung, lived alone your whole life, and you died in your sleep. Oh wait, you know? I also died in my sleep! I saw you taking me past this exact same gate. I even saw Jin-”

How is this woman still happy talking about how she died-

“-and then it turns out it was just a dream and my great grandfather was the one who let me pass this gate, but Haseul’s the only real angel in my dream! By the way, you’re so stupid, Sooyoungie!” 

“What did I do?!”

“How could you live alone for almost the remaining half of your life!”

“I mean, I had a nurse visiting m-”

“Doesn’t count! You know, you could have loved someone else. You didn’t need to carry that burden until you died!”

“I kept my promise, Jiwooming.”

“What promise?”

I raised an eyebrow, expecting her to remember.

She did, thankfully.

“O-oh…” Her cheeks were turning red. Children could have mistaken her as a tomato. “W-well, I didn’t really mind and you shouldn’t have as well since I was already gone any-”

Just how long is she gonna blabber around? I love it though. I barely got to see this side of Jiwoo after high school. But she needs to stop. I have a huge gate waiting for me to go through right now.

“-and do you know how I always cried whenever I watched you visit every place that reminded you of m- OOF!”

How do you silence a Jiwoo?

You hug her.

I passed the gate, she didn’t even notice me from all the words coming out of her mouth. I immediately pulled her waist and held her tight. With my face snuggling into the crook of her neck, I inhale deeply, missing her scent.

I finally got to feel your embrace again, Jiwooming.

The color of my clothing fades, turning white. I feel my wings expand as Jiwoo removes her arms from around my shoulders. 

“Since when did you get so wrinkly, Soo?” She teases.

“Shut up.” I try to frown, but her laugh was stopping me from doing it. I end up smiling as well, chuckling as she jumps up and down and holds my hand.

“Hey...Wooming?” I calmly call her, tightening my hold in her hand. 

“Hm?” She smiles, looking up to face me. I may have grown older and my spine did quit on me in the end, but I was still taller than Jiwoo. 

“Do you still love me? Even if I look like this, and traumatized you when we were still alive?” The expression of curiosity dies on her face, being replaced by a genuine and loving smile.

“Of course I do! You being honest about it even made me love you more, Sooyoungie!” She’s so bright, It’s surprising to see her be so joyful even after the terrible life she lived because of me.

“Come onnnnn Soo! I have a lot of friends to introduce you to, I even met one of the emperors of our country from hundreds of years ago!”

We giggle in unison. She helps me fly, our wings lightly fluttering as I follow her. 

“I love you, Jiwoo.” I felt the need to say it, because that is really how I feel. I do love her now, I finally know how love is supposed to feel like.

Her cheeks are tinted pink once again, she looks everywhere except for my face. Haseul is right, I really do have an effect on her.

“I-I love you too, Soo.”

This isn’t a _dream_ , I’m sure this is real, and I’m happy now.

I will stay here, I’ll be able to make Jiwoo feel loved,

_forever._

_\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

**Third Person POV:**

In the middle of the night were two bodies, sharing a bed, waking up in cold sweat. They both rise from their backs in sync, panting heavily. One looked at the other, she had tears.

“You had the same dream again?” She asks.

The crying girl nods, fear evident in her eyes.

“J-Jinsol, what does it mean?”

Jinsol doesn’t answer though, she immediately embraces the girl beside her, using her fingers to brush her soft hair, ensuring that everything’s okay, that she’s always here to keep the girl safe. 

The girl cries in her arms, tugging the back of her sweatshirt tightly, not wanting to let go.

“It’s okay Woo, let it out. I’m here.”

Jiwoo’s sniffs and whimpers, it was the only noise echoing around their bedroom.

“I-I’m sorry, Sol.”

“Shhhh, you don’t need to be. It’s okay, I understand.”

Jinsol does really understand.

Even if Jiwoo tries her best to cover it, even if she keeps telling Jinsol that she was fine, the truth will always be shown in her eyes and her actions.

Jinsol knows.

She knows that Jiwoo, her wife of six years, loves her.

She knows that Jiwoo’s willing to live with her until their last breaths, but nothing will be able to replace the love she had for Sooyoung, and the love Sooyoung had for her in return.

No one will be able to make her forget Sooyoung, not even Jinsol herself. Sooyoung will always have her own precious space, locked in Jiwoo’s heart, and Jinsol doesn’t want to unlock it. She doesn’t need to. 

Jinsol understands. She can’t just simply force Jiwoo to forget about her. Sooyoung is special to her. 

She was the first one to show Jiwoo how to love, so why should Jinsol push her out of her life?

No one can deny that Sooyoung is a wonderful person. It was only an honest mistake.

Falling in love with another woman, an honest mistake indeed.

Sooyoung didn’t mean to fall out of love. She didn’t want to lose Jiwoo, but she did.

And that’s what made it hurt so much. Jiwoo couldn’t get mad at Sooyoung for falling out, because even if they dated for a while, they were never official.

Everyone sees Jinsol as her replacement, even Jinsol herself, but that isn’t what Jiwoo feels.

She does love Jinsol so much. She was the one to take care of her after Sooyoung left her.

Out of all people, why Jinsol?

Because the other woman who Sooyoung fell for was Jinsol’s ex-girlfriend, Jungeun.

They were in the same situation, unfortunately. They just wanted to comfort one another, nothing more and nothing less.

Falling in love with each other wasn’t part of the plan.

Jinsol began to feel the same things she felt for Jiwoo when she was still with Jungeun.

Jiwoo began to feel the same things she felt for Jinsol when she was still with Sooyoung.

It was unexpected, but at least they were happy again.

Now, they’re married. Happy wives, happy lives.

They’ve moved on completely from the past, but it turns out that it was only Jinsol who did truly move on.

They saw Sooyoung and Jungeun again in a high school reunion. Jinsol felt no jealousy, no anger, nothing, but Jiwoo on the other hand, was in immense pain.

And that’s when Jinsol knew that Jiwoo still wasn’t over everything.

She understood why.

Sooyoung used to be so affectionate to Jiwoo. Her name used to be the one that always came out of Sooyoung’s mouth. She loved her so deeply, Sooyoung was the nicest.

She was the perfect lover everyone wanted, but of course, there was no such thing as perfection.

Sooyoung never had any intentions of leaving Jiwoo, or hurting her. She was just too unlucky, falling out and quickly moving on.

Sooyoung’s way of loving people was so magnificent. It wasn’t her fault, no one can control feelings.

That’s why it hurt Jiwoo so much. 

Ever since that encounter with the married couple, Jiwoo had nightmares.

Where it was her and Sooyoung, while the other was Jungeun and Jinsol. Where Jiwoo dies, and becomes an angel, with Sooyoung following decades later, and many more events that scared Jiwoo. She couldn’t understand why her dream was so weird, odd, and terrifying, especially the creepy happy ending. It was almost as if she was dreaming of the parallel universe. 

Jinsol would wake up to Jiwoo’s whimpers while she slept, softly whining in pain and crying out Sooyoung’s name, asking “why” so many times. Jiwoo did tell the whole dream to Jinsol, and Jinsol just felt so bad for her wife. She was sad, not because her wife still had little love remaining for Sooyoung, but because Jiwoo tries so hard to forget her, except that these nightmares she experiences don't let her. 

That day, Jinsol witnessed the dream herself. They both dreamt of the same thing at the same time. Now Jinsol could empathize with Jiwoo. That dream was agonizing. She understood more. Jinsol wasn’t as emotional as Jiwoo was. It would be pretty easy for her to deal with the nightmare since she's mentally stronger and had a huge advantage, she didn’t love Jungeun anymore.

Jiwoo was the complete opposite. She was bad at controlling her emotions, and what’s worse is that she still had some feelings for Sooyoung. Jiwoo wanted to forget, and Jinsol wanted to help her. 

Everyday, Jinsol puts so much effort in making Jiwoo feel happier. Jiwoo can see how hard she’s working, and she appreciates it so much. But of course, deep inside, Jiwoo feels guilty, because she loves two people at the same time. She attempts to forget, but her horrid dreams interrupt. She wants to show Jinsol that she still loves her, but the nightmares ruin everything. 

_\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

“Woo, you don’t need to force yourself to stay with me. Don’t change for others, love. You should still focus on your own feelings.” Jinsol caresses Jiwoo’s cheeks, wearing a smile. 

She took her to a garden, and they are currently in the middle of an enormous field of grass that reached until their knees, brought to life with a number of sunflowers and other blossoms spread out. Jinsol knew that Jiwoo loved nature. 

“But honestly, don’t you think it’s wrong? I can’t like two people all at once!” Jiwoo pouts, and Jinsol melts at the sight in front of her.

“It may be wrong to others, but in our case, it isn't. It’s not like you wanted to fall in love with her again. Feelings are feelings, it’s not wrong to feel what you are feeling right now, Woo. Just like Sooyoung, she fell out, not being able to control her feelings for Jungeun, and she told you about it before dating Jungeun. It's all the same again. You're being honest with me, so what's the wrong in that?”

“We’re MARRIED, Sol! That’s why it’s wrong!” Jinsol laughs and softly pinches Jiwoo’s cheeks.

Sometimes, Jiwoo wishes that Jinsol wasn't excessively nice.

“I said, at least you’re honest about it! If you weren’t, I would’ve suspected you to be cheating on me-wait, are you?” She jokingly narrows her eyes, making Jiwoo open her mouth in shock, looking offended.

Jinsol knows that Jiwoo wasn’t the type of person to do such a thing, because they were practically stuck to each other almost everyday, not like Jinsol forced her to, but Jiwoo always clung to her like a child. She never left Jinsol’s side unless it had something to do with the obvious necessities. They both worked at home, having nowhere else to go since their city wasn’t that much of a beautiful place to take a tour around.

“Jindori?” Jiwoo turns serious, but her adorable expression still remains. Jinsol raises her eyebrows, her hand from Jiwoo’s cheeks falling to interlock their fingers instead. 

“I really want to forget.” Jiwoo squeezes Jinsol’s hand in hers.

Her statement was sincere and honest. She really wanted to love Jinsol, only her. Jiwoo didn’t want some other person to think about, especially for the fact that they're married. Also, Jiwoo thinks that Jinsol is way more deserving than Sooyoung. If she was still in high school and told this to her friends, they would have been laughing at her. Sooyoung was the most _perfect_ person known there, always one of the top students. She was everyone's favorite, but again, perfection does not exist.

Sooyoung always had to be in the first places of everything. She would not show it, but the irritation in her face could be seen when someone else was getting praised instead of her. She is undeniably kind and well-mannered, but behind that perfect mask was someone who was a little greedy for attention and praise. Pretty ironic, if you ask me.

“I know you want to, Woo. I promise, I’ll help you. But please don’t force yourself. If you really do love Sooyoung more than me, it’s oka-” Jinsol gets interrupted by Jiwoo whining noisily.

“Stop saying that! I am not divorcing you, Jung Jinsol! I will never do that!”

“Alright, Jung Jiwoo!” Jinsol giggles, “there was no need for you to cry like a baby there!” _  
_

"Well it's because you keep being so negative!" Jiwoo frowns, and Jinsol laughs harder.

All Jiwoo feels is guilt. She wonders how Jinsol is still capable of smiling so brightly despite their current situation. She doesn’t see frustration, loneliness, or even jealousy in her eyes. All she could see was the love Jinsol has for her, she feels the warmth and comfort spreading throughout her whole body by simply holding her wife’s hand. Jiwoo loved the way the butterflies in her stomach fluttered whenever the older was near.

All Jiwoo feels is guilt. She can’t believe how quick her feelings for Sooyoung returned when they accidentally made eye-contact during their batch reunion. She couldn’t believe how Jinsol didn’t get angry when she told the truth, how Jinsol still treated her the same as if she didn’t do anything, and how Jinsol took care of her whenever her nightmares occur.

All Jiwoo feels is guilt. Seeing Jinsol work so hard to make her forget the nightmares, remembering her dream places to visit, actually driving her there whenever they had free time, and doing her best to make Jiwoo smile.

All Jiwoo feels is guilt, but mostly, she’s thankful. Jiwoo’s thankful for meeting Jinsol, a person who’s gentle, loving, and compassionate, a person who convinced her to continue on living even if it was hard, because life will always have obstacles in the way whether people liked it or not. Jinsol taught her that perfection did not exist, and it was okay to have flaws. She’s thankful for falling in love with Jinsol and marrying her.

Mainly, she’s thankful for Jinsol’s existence.

Until now, Jiwoo couldn’t comprehend why she was always close to crying just by seeing Sooyoung’s photos or hearing her name. She didn’t want to love Sooyoung anymore.

Jinsol is clearly better.

Jiwoo wants to only love one woman, Jung Jinsol.

Jiwoo wants to change, to prove to her wife that she’ll only love her.

"Wooming, you alright?" Jinsol notices Jiwoo's sudden silence.

"O-oh yeah! It's getting pretty late by the way." The couple notices the sky darkening, indicating that it was already evening and they had to go home. 

They playfully push each other as they leave the garden.

_\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Months after, a new university alumni reunion was held. Jinsol honestly saw no special reason in attending them but since Jiwoo seemed to like seeing her old friends, she ended up going as well anyway. Jinsol's more confused on why Jiwoo still chooses to attend when she gets nervous and already shivers at the thought of Sooyoung. _This girl is puzzling._

"Sollie! Jiwoo!" a voice calls out.

Jinsol immediately turns to look at Jiwoo who was clinging to her arm because she knew that voice calling them was _definitely_ none other than Ha Sooyoung, Jiwoo's nightmare monster, to be frank. As Jiwoo looked back at her, she expected the younger to look frightened or to shake slightly, but Jinsol's suprised when she sees her smile and uses her arm to turn and face themselves at Sooyoung. _Oh god what is she on-_

"Hello guys, it's been a long time!" Sooyoung finally greets them.

"A long time indeed!" Jiwoo happily replies.

Right now, Jinsol was confused, scared, and her eyes were obviously shaking. She looks at Jiwoo as a way of asking _what is going on?!_ and Jiwoo looks back at her, smiling as if she understood what Jinsol tried to tell her, hinting, _just go with the flow!_

In reality, Jinsol did miss talking to Sooyoung a little since they were in their uni's football team, making them close friends back then. It was only after Jungeun and Sooyoung's relationship that she stopped and avoided talking to her. It wasn't Sooyoung's fault though, the woman didn't know that Jungeun and Jinsol were exes since the two were barely even seen together in campus, and no one knew that Jinsol was still foolishly in love with her that time.

Jinsol realized that maybe Jiwoo's getting braver and stronger to face her fears, and that made her smile.

Jinsol trusts Jiwoo. She didn't need Jiwoo to choose her, she just wanted her to follow what her heart says.

"Still putting your feet to use?" Jinsol asks as she gives Sooyoung a "bro hug" to which the latter eagerly gives.

"Nah, it's actually been years since I last played." Sooyoung shares and giggles, lightly scratching her nape.

"Then we should have a football club reunion instead!" Jinsol suggests, "to be honest, I'm getting tired of attending these same old alumni stuff, we just do the same things every year." she whispers, not wanting anyone to hear what she just said.

"Yeah I agree with you, Sol. Even Jungeun, the noisy socializer hates our reunions. She told me to give these little gifts to everyone instead, and here I am looking like a whole Santa Claus while my wife catches up on sleep." 

Jinsol laughs at Sooyoung's facial expressions while listening to her. 

"Well speaking about wives, how's it going living as a Jung, Jiwoo?" Sooyoung turns to the smaller woman whose presence was finally remembered by the two, but Jiwoo didn't seem to mind. She was awfully quiet, it even seems that she didn't hear the question anyway.

Jiwoo was too distracted with her thoughts while the football teammates were happily engaging in a conversation. She was simply standing still, her mind occupied with so many things, completely detaching herself from the real world.

In front of Jiwoo was her _past_ and _present._

Sooyoung and Jinsol. 

Who should she really love? 

Who should be her _future?_

and the more time Jiwoo spends on quietly observing the two women and repeating the same question in her head,

she thinks she found the answer. 

"uh, Jiwoo?" Jinsol gets worried, gently cupping Jiwoo's face with one hand. Jiwoo finally snaps out of it and holds Jinsol's hand on her cheek, raising her eyebrows in confusion.

Sooyoung giggles, "I asked how your marriage with Jinsol is going." 

Jiwoo's mouth forms an 'o' and she brightly smiles at Sooyoung, squeezing Jinsol's hand tighter. Jinsol immediately notices this small action and says, "we're doing great!" She starts to nervously shake, wondering (more like overthinking) why Jiwoo would suddenly switch her mood but she quickly gets comforted by the shorter softly stroking her hand with her thumb. Jinsol was wrong, Jiwoo wasn't scared at all. In fact, Jinsol was way more anxious than her wife at that moment.

While Jiwoo holds her hand, she uses her unoccupied one to hold it as well, her fingers playing with the ring instead. Jinsol looks at Jiwoo, completely bewildered by her odd actions. 

"It looks like both of you got in some sort of trance...I'm sorry if that question bothered-" Sooyoung was about to apologize when Jiwoo interrupts her,

"It's beautiful, I love her so much." she looks back at Jinsol, giggling at the taller whose eyes opened wider from shock, "I'm glad we vowed to stay with each other until we die."

Jiwoo found her answer.

She's glad that her nightmares weren't real, and she's sure that they won't come true anyway. She's glad that they're just fantasies, and she's thankful that these terrifying dreams never bothered and interrupted her again. 

_\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"Wooming, wake up love, you're gonna be late to your own business. Just because your nightmares finally disappeared doesn't mean that you get to sleep whenever you want to!" Jinsol tries to snatch the blanket off Jiwoo's grasp.

"Let me catch up on the two years of sleep I suffered." 

"Babe, it's been four years since your last nightmare-"

"Be quiet and come back to bed Sollie." Jiwoo with her eyes still closed, lazily opens her arms, wanting her wife to cuddle her.

"I'd love to but I still have to bring a little Chaewon to school..." Jinsol chuckles, leaning closer to give her a peck on her lips, "and we're about to leave now so good luck with your bakery! Hyunjin won't even think twice about resigning if you leave the whole place to her again." She pats Jiwoo's head.

"Mama?" A little head appears, peeking through the open door. Jinsol sees Chaewon and carries her, going back to her wife. 

"Your mom is still sleeping, why don't you do something to wake her up?" Jinsol suggests. Chaewon goes into her thinking mode, aggressively shutting her eyes to which Jinsol giggles at. 

Chaewon shifts to get off Jinsol's arms,

"What are you gonna-" Jinsol gets cut off by Chaewon jumping off her and landing straight onto Jiwoo's body. 

"Ouch!" the sleepyhead finally opens her eyes and she was about to scream until she sees Chaewon on top of her.

"Wake up mommy!" the daughter cutely scolds her, making Jiwoo laugh. Jiwoo playfully tickles her, and the little Chaewon squeals. Jinsol laughs, fondly watching the chaos unfolding in front of her.

Jinsol's proud. Proud that Jiwoo finally managed to organize her thoughts and choose what she wanted. She's happy for Jiwoo's efforts finally paying off. Jinsol just wanted her to be happy with whoever she wanted to be with, and realizing that Jiwoo had in fact, found her joy, made Jinsol even happier. 

Jiwoo loves Jinsol

She trusts her.

She loves her.

She finally let go of the painful moments that were taking up all the space, locked in her heart.

The empty space was now filled with new memories of better things. Jinsol and Chaewon are more than enough. She loves them, and she wants to take care and be there with them until she dies.

Jiwoo finally found her answer.

**Author's Note:**

> and here it ends! I don't even know if you guys expected the plot twist there lmao, but I'd really appreciate if you leave your own opinions and thoughts about how I wrote the story! I never expected finishing this to be honest;)) but here it is, and I'm kinda happy with how it came out, but I wish I wrote it better too. If you guys do see any errors, please comment it down if you'd like to!
> 
> I have a lot of new fic ideas and I've already sorted them all out, now I just need to find out which one to do first aha;)) I promise to make better fics though!!
> 
> If you want to see more of my thoughts and updates, you can go check my [twitter](https://twitter.com/loonathetiny_12) out:DD
> 
> Hope you all have a great day! Stay safe y'all!
> 
> -K


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